Alpaca Burger Cookbook Table of Contents

Here is the official Table of Contents of the newly released, highly recommended, and totally unexpected Joe’s Original Alpaca Burger Cookbook, plus a sneak preview of some of the recipes.

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With a spread of content like the following, is there any way you can afford NOT to buy the book, both for yourself and for other people you know who have kitchens?

How To Know If This Book Is For You
Gentle Warning And Disclaimers
Background Part 1: Dances With Alpacas
Background Part 2: “My Burger, My Friend”
This Is About Meat. Ground Meat.
Why Ground Alpaca?
General Principles And Assumptions
Cooking Burgers
Using The Marinades

Marinades, Sauces, and Condiments

-These Can Be Considered Staples
-Basic Ground Meat Marinade
Outstanding for beef burgers cooked on the grill, and a solid choice for any other type of ground meat…

-Mint Marinade
Unsurprisingly, this is a perfect marinade for lamb, while not too shabby for beef or alpaca, either. It is a strong marinade…

-Jalapeno Dressing
Any meat going toward a Southwest- or Tex-Mex-themed meal will do well with this as the marinade. A lot of the liquid and flavor will cook out, as these salsa-based marinades are wont to do, but it leaves a pleasant taste and will help with tenderizing. Also, this dressing makes a lovely condiment…

-Guacamole
-Island Salsa
-Aubergine Relish
-Chili Sambal Sauce
-Phat Peanut Sauce
-Lime In The Coconut Sauce
-Joe’s Multipurpose Curry Paste

Burgers

-The Basic Burger
Very simple; very quick; very flexible: From the ground meat of the alpaca or other creatures of the earth, you can build an excellent burger merely by adding this marinade and cooking to somewhere between medium and well, depending on the meat. With some meats or for certain palates, it will be appropriate to use more of the marinade. If the meat was ground from a very high-quality cut of the alpaca or beef, you might use a very small amount of liquid, so as not to mask the natural flavor…

-The Really Basic Alpaca Burger
I expect there will be a few readers who want to get the full alpaca experience, without all the froo-froo. You want to go au natural, back to the basics, and keep it most indubitably real. Obviously, you could just throw some alpaca patties on the grill, season with salt and pepper, and face the abyss while the wind howls and buzzards screech. You probably don’t need me to tell you that, though. If the ground alpaca is top quality, the result actually might be very good. If it is just a blue-collar cut of alpaca, however, you might be missing out on the life you could have led…

-Alpaca En Haut
Elegance has never been so easy, rich flavor never so close at hand. This burger with its delicate bouquet of piquant innuendos will creep up on you like a well-crafted piece of Madison Avenue copywriting from generations gone by. Fix your hair, because you are going to want to look good while you enjoy this dashing little number…

-Bucket List Burger
Going to the trouble of preparing herb butter does seem like a lot more work than the everyday cookout. The thing is, it really is not a big deal to make. Herb butter automatically elevates any food it touches. It’ll add the “whoa” to “Whoa, that was really made from alpaca?”

-Hacienda Burger
-Colorado Burger
-Rasta Burger
-Alpaca Masala
-Sambal Burger
-Krakatoa Burger
-Simply Thai Burger

Entrees

-Alpaca Stroganoff
A throwback to an era when life was simpler, we threw heavy darts at each other in the yard, and television had 3 channels and 2 colors. Good dessert choices include pudding, jello, and candy cigarettes…

-Alpacas Danube
Some say the region where the mighty river turns to the south is the true cradle of Western civilization, from the time before city-states or empires, when the greatest thinkers of the age were learning to produce world-changing substances from molten metal. I say, that’s all fine and good, but thanks for the goulash…

-Alpaca Pie
If you are overly concerned with health, you probably don’t eat a lot of meat and potatoes covered with melted cheese. But you know what? You could if you wanted to. This version is probably as healthy as shepherd’s pie gets. You could substitute some sort of goat cheese for the cheddar, and use arrowroot instead of cornstarch—or just leave it more soupy. But if you’re still reading this, I think your heart is telling you to make this dish exactly as described below…

-My Big Fat Alpaca Soup
You will notice this hearty, colorful soup seems a little light on the herbs, and if you wish you could throw in some oregano and basil to add more pizzazz—but, there is something to be said for nuance in this world of ours. Some pleasant flavors lurk just beneath the surface here. Also, depending on the type of flavoring in the tomato sauce and sausage you use, you may have plenty of the traditional Italian zestiness already…

-Alpaca Beurre Rouge
-Alpaca à l’Estragon
-Alpaca Chili
-Alpaca Adobo
-Alpaca Chipotle Surprise
-Alpaca-Mo Gumbo
-Alpaca Pacifica
-Alpaca Curry

The Original Alpaca Burger

-Don’t Try This At Home
As noted earlier, this was the method for preparing big, tough pieces of alpaca when I was still learning the ways of the alpaca world. Since then, I have switched over to ground alpaca meat and never looked back. When you come across alpacas that need to be turned into food, give the nicest cuts to someone who needs to make a fancy dinner for 5 people, and grind everything else into ground alpaca meat. That is my advice to you. For the historical record, for those who insist on living the hardest possible life, and for the times when you run across a new animal that appears for all intents and purposes to be completely inedible, I present the Original Alpaca Burger recipe. When you have ultra-tough meat to cook, this recipe will carry you through…

-Marinade Step 1—The Brine
-Marinade Step 2—Yogurt Stage
-Slow Cooking

Acknowledgments
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